17

1. i cannot stop watching arrested development. even though i find the third season a little outrageous, i just can't. stop. watching. ah. ha. ha. yes. even when things start out weird they always end up being hilarious.

2. the closer i get to leaving Hampshire, the more I'm afraid that I'm not making the right decision.

3. i am fascinated by the way people talk. let me interview you. and i'm discovering how easy it is to splice interviews and make them seem different than they are. I'd be a good member of the media.

4. this semester has made me rethink a lot of my previous perceptions. personal, intellectual, artistic. everything. i am very grateful.

5. my already short attention span is shortening.

6. my anti-depressants give me night sweats. which are probably one of the most miserable physical things i've ever experienced. you wake up sticky and shivering and damp. it's gross.

7. i think too much.

8. i have very low self-confidence which is often expressed in a very obnoxious way. i'm working on this.

9. i think people are generally nice, it just depends on your own mood if you perceive them as such.

10. i get very nervous talking to people i don't know, but i love it when people introduce themselves to me just because. it gives me faith in humanity.

11. i wish i were more verbally articulate.

12. i am constantly making lists (physical and mental ones) of ways to improve myself and make myself more interesting. it's almost compulsive. i feel like i have to know everything, have read every book, seen every film, know about every issue and each item i cross off my list is one more step towards perfection. which is of course bullshit but it's how my mind works.

13. i am slowly slowly slowly regaining confidence in my creative writing skills. it's fragile, and it has been shattered again a few times a long the way, but it's still there- a little whisper of talent.

14. i get jealous very easily but i never let anyone know. my jealousy stems from feelings of inadequacy and mediocrity.

15. my greatest fear is mediocrity.

16. i feel really good right now. it's amazing what a good discussions about the controversy over genetically modified crops can do for one's outlook.

17. i am going to finish this paper in 5. . .4 . . .3 . . .2. . . NOW!

One Art

by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day.  Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel.  None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch.  And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones.  And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied.  It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

 -- Elizabeth Bishop

essentials?