still . . .

feel like i'm going to throw up.
i have never felt so guilty, and awful, and thankful, and loving all at once.
i somehow got so off course from what I originally intended to do when I came back home.
And how could i get so off course? How could i forget who my true friends were? How could I forget about the feelings of people closest to me? How could I give up my own true self just to try and please other people?
Time to start over. Fresh.
Maybe that'll be my whole life. Just starting over and over and trying again and again.
But I don't want to ever stop trying.
Thank you for somehow, through all your hurt, believing in me.
Now I just need to believe in myself.

dr. dog helps.



i don't wanna go back to my old ways again.
i want to move forward.